What we mean by the term happiness has always been an interesting topic in every mindfulness practice or Buddhist group I've been in which is why I posted this here. This 35 second video (which will loop until you stop it) is by a geriatric psychologist whose entire practice is about supporting people caring for loved ones with dementia. Her Dementia Careblazers YouTube channel became important to me when I was a dementia caregiver and her comments here exactly mirror my own experience.
In mindfulness circles all around the world we often express the wish "May all beings everywhere be happy." That's been done in Buddhist groups for literally millenia. Like many, when I first heard this, I was a little put off thinking that being "happy" was something that came and went, and seemed a bit superficial. Over the years I've become less interested in getting others to conform to my understanding of things. Now I take the wish to be happy to simply be a wish for the well-being of myself and others. That change turned out to be easier and more useful than convincing the rest of the world to follow my idiosyncratic understanding of a word and relieved me of need to feel disgruntled about terminology.
In that short video, Dr Natali Edmonds suggests that some of us might feel better if we replace the wish for happiness with the wish for meaning in our lives. She notes that being a caregiver under especially trying circumstances can be especially meaningful. I found that to be true.
There is a caution that goes with it:
When Earlene died, it took me quite a while to realize my grief was not tied only to the loss of her as a person. I remember quite clearly the day, months later, it dawned on me that in addition to grieving for the loss of a dear person that I'd grown to love much more as her needs increased, I now saw how disoriented I was having lost the compass that being a caregiver provided. That's one reason I'm so thankful I remain welcome in the dementia caregivers support group which had become so important to me in the last year of Earlene's life. And that's what I've been trying to work with ever since: What would make my life meaningful again?
[I've posted this on Caring Bridge as well.]